Misunderstanding of Cuckolds and Cuckqueans

Cuckolds/cuckqueans merge their self into their spouse/partners, the same way people merge themselves into God or their country.  I believe that the underlying neurological circuitry is the same.

Key terms

• Modern cuckold is a fetishist male who derives sexual pleasure out of his wife/partner having sex with some other man.
• Female equivalent of a modern cuckold is called a cuckquean

Misunderstanding of underlying psychology

There is no clear understanding as to what neurological/psychological mechanism results in cuckolds (and cuckqueans)

• Presently, the mainstream belief is that the cuckold fetish is a product of sperm competition
• The popular folklore believes that the cuckold (and cuckquean) eroticizes the humiliation

But both these ideas don’t hold water.  In the bargain, they have caused immense damage to a source of immense pleasure to the people involved.

As a result of getting into Cuckold/hotwife (cuckold’s wife/partner) lifestyle, these couple typically end up improving their marriages significantly.  The immense misunderstanding surrounding what motivates a cuckold/cuckqean stops many men/women/couple from making the leap.  And, worse, even several of them who make the leap end up damaging their relationships because they completely miss the underlying nobility.

Sperm competition is inadequate

The prevailing popular belief among sociobiologists and psychologists is that cuckoldry is a product of sperm competition.  That is, a man sees his wife being mounted by someone else and his competitive urge manifests as sexual arousal and induces him to mount his wife.  The fact that the human penis appears to be designed to evacuate pre-deposited sperm is often invoked to justify the husbands sexual arousal in witnessing his wife being mounted and inseminated.

This doesn’t cut ice for several reasons.

• In most cases, it is the man who moots the idea with his wife/partner that she should select another male.  Often, he puts in lots of efforts, takes huge risk (of losing her, her respect or his peaceful marriage), persists over years to convince his genuinely reluctant partner to take a lover or a bull (wife’s fuck buddy).  The husband often prefers a substantially more masculine, virile or romantic male than himself to play the role of the bull.  A cuckold almost never selects someone inferior to himself as a bull.  Sperm competition theory can’t explain this.
• If the wife/partner selects a lover without the man’s encouragement, it is almost always vehemently opposed by the man.  If sperm competition theory is true, a fraction of men should stumble into cuckold pleasures when they discover their wife’s affairs.  This is not true.  On the other hand, a fraction of men want to kill the wife or her lover.
• Many cuckolds settle for celibate life!  It appears that the more satisfied a hotwife is with her bulls, the better are the chances for the cuckold to turn celibate.  One can’t see how sperm competition theory can explain it.
• If sperm competition is the primary motivation, the man/husband need not develop sexual or romantic feelings towards the bull.  However, cuckolds often seem to develop bisexual attraction towards their wife/partner’s bull.  Sperm competition can’t explain this.
• Sperm competition theory can’t explain as to why cuckqueans differ from the cuckolds in a fundamental way in that many cuckquens seem to develop a personal bond with the other women; whereas, a bull is almost always treated as a fuck buddy.

Sperm competition urges can never be the primary drive for the cuckolds.  By denying the fact that cuckoldry is a noble choice (more about it later), sperm competition theory belittles an ultimate act of deep love.

Humiliation is a humbug

The popular folklore has it that the cuckolds are masochists who have learnt to eroticize the intense humiliation that cuckoldry brings.  This idea is a product of muddled thinking.

• Every cuckold or cuckquean that I ever met is an individual with high self esteem.  They are not at all like the popular notion of humiliation-seekers that we se in the cuckold caption pics.  All of them, and their partners, despise humiliation.
• Since cuckoldry, if not handled carefully, results in certain amount of humiliation for the cuckold (even if the act was initiated by the cuckold), it is possible that the cuckold might learn to eroticize humiliation.  But that is different from saying that someone becomes a cuckold because they eroticize being humiliated or that humiliation is the primary engine of cuckoldry.
• As a person who lives in an open marriage, I do come across several couple who live in a similar lifestyle.  Interestingly, contrary to the popular belief, I find that women are much more ready to accept and eroticize their partner’s dalliances than men are.  In other words, I had seen many more cuckqueans than cuckolds.  A cuckquean usually (but not always) needs an emotional bond with the other woman (other than the strong emotional bond with the partner, that is the fundamental necessity for cuckold lifestyle).  People don’t form emotional bonds with the source of their humiliation.
• Humiliation doesn’t explain the bisexual affinity developed by the a cuckold towards his wife’s bulls or the bisexual affinity developed by a cuckquean towards the other woman.

In all, there is every sign out there to believe that some cuckolds and cuckqueans, but not all, learn to eroticize humiliation.  But they don’t start out as cuckolds seeking humiliation.  They start out as cuckolds seeking something to see their partner being intensely pleasured.

What actually drives Cuckolds and Cuckqueans

Like I mentioned in an earlier article,

• Cuckolds are cuckqueans learn to vicariously enjoy the intense sexual pleasure (more intense, the better) their partner derives from someone else.
• They do this by merging their own self into that of their spouse/partner.
• I believe that this is activates the same neurological mechanism that allows one to merge into the God, or makes one a patriot and makes them willing to die for their country, or dedicate themselves to working for the downtrodden, or wow celibacy to spread a message.  In all these cases, I believe that people activate a mechanism that evolved as part of human group selection which allows an individual to merge his/her identity into a super-set and puts the interest of the super-set above the self interest.  I believe that this neurological mechanism is loosely called the spirituality.
• To me, cuckoldry comes across as a merging of the spiritual circuitry in the brain with that of the erotic circuits.
• To be able to do this, and not fly into a jealous rage, a strong bond of understanding and mutual trust must exist between the cuckold/cuckqueans and their spouse/partner.
• The bull’s (or his female version, as the case may be) role in this is relationship is to supply the pair with an experience that cuckold/cuckquean perceives that their spouse/partner is not getting in quantity and/or quality.  And the bull needs to do it without upsetting the bond between the pair (f the bull can help the bond become stronger, it is even better).

Spiritual Sex explains Cuckoldry

Cuckoldry as Spiritual Sex explains why

• A cuckold or a cuckquean actively encourage their spouse/partner to seek sex outside marriage (in their mind, it is same as them going out on a prowl, but without all the associated hassles)
• The degree to which a cuckold/cuckquean enjoys an act of cuckoldry is directly proportionate to the degree to which their spouse/partner enjoys it
• Cuckold’s/cuckquean’s relationship with their spouse/partner collapses if the trust is and intimacy are breached (the cuckold/cuckquean is unable to merge themselves into their spouse/partner anymore)
• A bull cannot be threatening to the cuckold [though a bull’s superiority (physical, mental or financial) is almost always a pre-requisite].  The threat can also be defused by building a bond between the cuckold and the bull, though it is not common.  This is true for the cuckquean as well.
• The “spiritual sex” hypothesis explains why a cuckold often settles for celibacy or monogamy.  Since they live their sex life through their spouse’s experiences, which are perceived as much more colorful and intense than their own, a cuckold doesn’t feel the need to have first hand sexual experience anymore.  Even if they do, it is often lackluster when compared with the spiritual sex they have through their partner’s experience.
• Since a cuckold/cuckquean lives vicariously through their spouse/partner’s experiences, it is only natural that they develop romantic feelings or lust towards their spouse’s sexual partners (namely, bull or the other woman).

Sure, there are things that spiritual sex theory don’t explain.  One thing is the erotizing of humiliation.  Like we saw earlier, it is just a fall out of handling an emotionally highly charged relationship scenario.

Another thing that spiritual sex possibly cannot explain is the “clean up” act (wherein some cuckolds are said to be fond of eating out the ejaculate deposited by the bull in the woman’s vagina).  May be some “sperm competition” component is involved here.  But it only exists on the periphery and practiced only by a few.  Or may be the “clean up” urge is a projection of natural cum-craving urges that a woman feels.  Whatever may be the case, it is too flimsy a motivation or an urge, and too rare, to be treated as the central.

Only “spiritual sex” hypothesis explains all aspects of cuckold’s/cuckquean’s urge to want their partner to stray.  Other explanations available as of this writing are mere wishful thinking or products of sloppy minds.