In the very first post of this blog, named Psychology of Cuckolds and Cuckqueans, I discussed as to how a cuckold’s pleasure (of his wife mating with another man) is an echo of the pleasure his wife derives while mating with another man. In the last post (please read it if you have not read it already; you’ll need that background for this post), I used a home brew relationship graph to represent a cuckold-cuckoldress-bull dynamics.
In this post, let’s take a closer look at a “cuckquean-husband-other woman” dynamics.
If a cuckquean (violet) behaves like a cuckold, she would get her sexual pleasure as an echo of the sexual pleasure derived by her husband (blue) derives by engaging another woman (pink). However, this is less common among cuckqueans.
Interestingly, since men are mostly seen as pleasure givers and women are mostly seen as pleasure receivers, the cuckquean typically derives here pleasures as echo of the sexual pleasure received by the other woman. This becomes easy if a reasonably strong bond of intimacy exists between the cuckquean and the other woman. Such intimacy builds a spiritual bridge between the two woman which helps one woman to feel one with the emotions felt by the other woman.
If the intimacy or emotional connection between the cuckquean and the other woman is weak or non-existent or if certain level of animosity or competition exists between the two, then very often the cuckquean might completely refrain from eroticising the pleasure of the second/third party coitus. Of course, unless the cuckquean happens to eroticise the humiliation of being preferred by her husband/partner for another woman!
While a typical cuckquean might derive strong echo of the sexual pleasure received by the other woman (the pleasure receiver), it is very possible that the cuckquean derives sexual pleasure by echoing the pleasure felt by her husband (the pleasure giver) too.
That way, it looks to me that a cuckquean receives a double whammy of pleasures when she witnesses her partner with another woman. This must be more intense than the pleasure felt my a male cuckold (who receives all his pleasure from the single source: his wife/partner). Though, there is no evidence to make draw this conclusion.
The same psychological engine that derives the spiritual feelings in people is used by cuckolds and cuckqueans to find sexual pleasure in their partner’s extra-marital trysts.
Cuckold and Cuckquean
Cuckold is a man whose wife/partner sleeps around. In 21st Century, cuckold is a man whose wife/partner sleeps around and he derives erotic pleasure out of it.
Cuckquean is the female equivalent of 21st Century cuckold: She lets her husband/partner sleep around and derives erotic pleasure out of it.
Maya, my wife, is a self-proclaimed cuckquean. Another male friend of mine, whose wife I love to fuck, is a self proclaimed cuckold. I never took their preferences seriously till a few months ago. Few months ago, I starting looking for better understanding into this fast growing lifestyle choice.
There is no psychological theory on what drives the cuckolds or a cuckqueans. The popular notion is that an internal sense of inadequacy drives a person to turn into a cuckold or a cuckquean. Another popular belief is that cuckolds and cuckqueans eroticize humiliation. While some cucks share this trait, this is not true for everyone.
Take my own backyard: Maya is gorgeous (easily a 10 in her age group), very well educated (has degrees in engineering and management) and has a fabulous job (some sort of CXO). She is constantly hit-on by handsome well-accomplished guys. My cuckold male friend I talked about earlier is better endowed than I am, has several liaisons outside his marriage and has a much better social standing than me. Self-inadequacy or erotic-humiliation not at all explains why these two people are cucks. Though, it is possible that they may have felt sexually inadequate somewhere in the distant past, I am not aware of any such history. But then again, which teenager haven’t had that feeling of inadequacy when they set out to explore their sexuality! Similarly, there is always the possibility that they will learn to eroticize humiliation sometime in the future; but anyone can do that, even when they are not in cucking life style.
Disgust with body fluids
Somewhere in the 70’s I think, a simple experiment was done to demonstrate an interesting source of disgust. It goes like this: Take a glass of water. Spit into it. How comfortable are you drinking it? If you are like the rest of us, you are going to show some level of discomfort at the very least. Isn’t that illogical? After all, you do swallow your spit every few seconds. Same goes for the finger nail you clipped or the hair that you just cut/removed.
This experiment shows that we are programmed to feel disgust towards something that just detached from our body.
Then, isn’t it interesting that we don’t mind swapping spit (and more) with someone we are attracted to and feel a least bit disgusted about it? Is it possible that when we are attracted or attached to someone, our sense of self merges with them and their spit is just the same as our spit? I think so.
Spirituality is merging self with a group
At times, people tend to lose their sense of self and merge it with a group that they belong to. This wonderful TED video talk more about it. It happens to soldiers in the war front, members of a protest, someone who is part of a religious group, etc. (if you are one of those people who think that spiritual feelings can’t felt by non-religious person or in non-religions settings, or can’t be used with evil intentions, then you must watch the linked TED video before proceeding further).
When people merge their self into a group (or into something bigger than themselves, like God), they put the interest of the group above their own self interest. A separate field of evolution called Group Selection deals with this trait in organisms, including humans.
Cuck and Spiritual Sex
I think when an individual is deeply connected with another one, like a cuck is, the same engine of group selection acts on him/her. He/she loses his/her self and identify himself/herself with the group.
When a cuckold (male) is deeply/spiritually connected with his wife/partner, he merges his sense of self with her. Her pleasure becomes his. In fact, her pleasure becomes ever more important to him than his, the same way his comrades’ survival becomes more important for a soldier than his own survival. The more she is able to immerse herself into deriving her own sexual pleasure, the more turned on the cuckold becomes.
Cuckqueans (female) seem to act slightly differently. While she is immersed in the spiritual connection with her man, she also seem to be connected with the other woman! I would even go out an a limb and speculate that for a cuckquean, the pleasure derived by the other woman is more important than the pleasure derived by her man!
One simple explanation to account for this difference is that we see men as providers of pleasure and women as receivers. It might be because of the social training, but I think otherwise. I think the idea of a male being a provider and a woman being a receiver stems from the physical act of sexual intercourse and how it is performed: Males does the thrusting while the woman actively assists him.
What can destroy a cuck’s relationship
Anything that destroys this state of deep spiritual connection would interfere with the cuck’s ability to derive sexual pleasure from the second party sexual encounters. For a cuckold, losing his connection with his wife would kill the lifestyle. For a cuckquean, not developing a connection with the other woman or losing her connection with her husband/partner would make the lifestyle meaningless.
It is already well known in the cuck community that insecurity of the cuck destroys the relationship. There are other things too. If a cuckold’s wife/partner (cuckoldress) develops a ‘strong’ connect with her sexual partner (bull), that could diminish the spiritual connection felt by the cuckold with his wife/partner. Of course, a cuckoldress must have some connect at the very least with her bull and it increases the intensity of her enjoyment. However, if the cuckoldress-bull connection becomes stronger than the cuckoldress-cuckold connection, it would mean trouble.
If the cuck’s partner cuts them out of the erotic dalliances (often, a cuck doesn’t have to be physically present to vitness their partner fornicating; they might get their fill just from their partner recounting the incident after it happened), that will diminish the returns for the cuck (it could also increase the insecurity for the cuck). Since being a cuck carries huge emotional cost, unless the rewards are equally huge, it is not a sustaining lifestyle arrangement.
If the cuck’s partner doesn’t derive sexual pleasure out of the extra-marital encounters, that could bring the lifestyle to stop. Because a cuck’s motive is often misunderstood (as a perversion, or as stemming from a sense of inadequacy), the partner might become disgusted with the cuck and decide to break the relationship.
Of course, as the relationship between the cuck and their partner matures, it becomes more robust and take much more deviations.
What can improve a cuck-couple’s life
Top priority for a cuckold’s is how much sexual pleasure a cuckoldress derives from her extra-marital sexual relationships. Top priority for a cuckquean’s is how much pleasure the other woman derives ‘and’ how much pleasure the other woman derives from the encounters. More sexual pleasure, the better for everyone involved in the relationship.
A cuck’s partner (and the other woman) should also let the cuck know as to how much pleasure they have received from their extra-marital encounters. Not sharing would rob the cuck of getting the pleasure for which they went into all the trouble.
Increasing the deep spiritual connection between the cuck and their partner, at least in the narrow context of sexual relationship, is also very important for improving the quality of cuck-couple’s relationship. The famous eye contact between the cuckold and his cuckoldress (while the cuckoldress is being laid by her bull), I think, is all about maintaining and building this deep contact. That’s why every cuckold finds the eye contact intoxicatingly intense.
Sex in itself is a spiritual act where one lets their sense of self to merge into another (try imagining French kissing someone that you are not sexually attracted to). A cuckold and a cuckquean take this spirituality to farther extent.
When I realize it, my respect for them (my wife Maya and my male friend) increases multi-fold. I can’t help thinking realizing that by being my cuckquean, Maya has given me the most precious gift any lover can hope for: An unquestioned merging her self into mine. I feel even more worried now that I would do something stupid and hurt her!
I think, to get more out of any cuckquean-partner-other woman relationship
- The trio should do things that help the cuckquean to merge her sense of self deeper into her husband/partner and the other woman
- The husband/partner should find ways to provide ever increasing intensities of sexual pleasure to the other women and figures ways to include his cuckquean into the act (even indirectly)
- The other woman should ensure that receive intensities of sexual pleasure from this relationship (as her favor/responsibility to the couple) and figure ways to share it with the cuckquean.
To get more out of a cuckold-cuckoldress relationship
- The couple does things that help the cuckold to merge his sense of self deeper into his cuckoldress.
- The cuckoldress finds ways to receive ever higher intensities of pleasure from her extra-marital sexual relationship and figure a way to include her cuckold into it (often indirectly)
A note to a cuck’s partner: For fuck’s sake, don’t do something stupid (like hiding your trysts from the cuck) that would reduce a cuck’s trust in you. Trust is an essential ingredient of spiritual merging,
Sounds simple, isn’t it :-)
- I tried to graphically depict a typical cuckold-cuckoldress-bull relationship here: https://dexmaya.wordpress.com/2013/03/29/cuckold-graph/
- In this post, I attempted to symbolically depict the cuckquean’s relationship dynamics: https://dexmaya.wordpress.com/2013/03/29/cuckquean-graph/
- Another blog post on psychology of a cuckold: http://split-sexuality.tumblr.com/post/40549911526/on-the-definition-and-the-motive-forces-of-cuckolding